


the process of falling (when you're there to catch me)

by huangddj



Category: GOT7
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, idk this aint it sis, just word vomit tbh idek, y'all i need help lmaoooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 03:30:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16802761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huangddj/pseuds/huangddj
Summary: i was a writer on livejournal way back 2012, then life got in the way. when i decided to log into my old lj account a whopping six years later, everyone had left wtf but some of them are here now, i heard, so yeah, this is my sorry attempt at getting back into writing fanfiction, please take care of me kudasai skskskit’s been six years, jfc show me some love in the comments. i really wanna make friends with fellow writers and readers as well (everyone on lj disappeared and i can't find them anymore) so if u guys want, follow me at @wandasho on twitter and slide into my dms ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)





	the process of falling (when you're there to catch me)

♫♫♫

sometimes, jackson catches himself staring a little too long at mark during one of their late night mario kart sessions; a couple of times, laughing way too hard at his lame jokes, even if he doesn't get them; a few other times, shuffling a little too close to him than necessary when they line up for lunch at the cafeteria.

he didn't think anything of it at first, brushing it off as him being his naturally, overbearingly clingy self, but when jinyoung points out one day during one of their Friend Group Dinner Dates™, "jackson, come on, let the man eat. mark can't do anything with your entire torso super-glued to his left arm," he starts thinking about all the other times he's been like this with mark, and starts being hyperaware of his actions around his best friend from then on. he scratches the top of mark's head a lot less frequently now, from every few minutes to maybe every couple of hours, and he doesn't bury his face in between mark's shoulder blades whenever he finds himself standing behind him for whatever reason, public decency be damned.

it's been a few weeks of him trying to physically restrain himself from throwing himself all over mark every time he as much as breathes within a reasonably close proximity, and he's very proud he's been able to last this long without completely tearing all the hair out of his head from sheer frustration; but his brain hasn't been as cooperative as his body, because whenever he as much as sees mark's coat hanging haphazardly on one of the key hooks when he enters their shared apartment, he spends about fifteen minutes frozen by the door, thinking how great it would be to just take that coat and snuggle with it in his room until his roommate gets back from his night classes.

sometimes, mark gets a little too close for comfort, and jackson resents him for it. even when jackson's quite literally shoving his hands in between his thighs to stop himself from doing something as natural to him as groping mark whenever they sit together for more than five minutes, mark somehow finds a way to shamelessly reach into the general direction of his crotch and fish out one of his hands to play with as he pretends to listen to whatever bambam is talking about from across the table. jackson would then turn an unsightly shade of red every time mark mindlessly brings both of their hands up to scratch at the corner of his mouth, which he does fairly often (one of his weird, but cute, habits), giving jackson's fingers a tiny smooch every single time he did it. 

it's during these moments that jackson thinks maybe he hasn't been working hard enough, maybe he's still being too clingy and too touchy, because mark's not fazed at all; he hasn't even commented on the fact that instead of unceremoniously jumping on top of him to wake him up exactly three minutes before his alarm goes off, jackson has taken to simply playing the la la land soundtrack really loud while cooking so mark can wake up to his favorite songs and really fluffy pancakes, nor has he batted an eyelash when jackson very grudgingly pries mark's head off his shoulder when they're chilling on the couch, in favor of sprawling out on the cold, hard floor to hide the ever growing problem in his pants. jackson mulls over the possibility that, maybe, he needs to take some time off school and parties and living with mark, so he can get his brain sorted out because he really misses just hanging out with mark without having to overthink every single thing.

"i'm taking a few days off of school." jackson announces one night, as they dig in to mark's masterfully made cheese ramyun.

mark cocks an eyebrow. "why?" 

"i don't know," and jackson feels a lump in his throat. he's never been a good liar. "just need a little vacation, i guess."

mark remains unimpressed. "i'll go with you then."

jackson fumbles with his chopsticks. "no, man, it's fine. i just need time with family, that's all." mark's expression is unreadable, but jackson's never been able to read him that well, anyway. part of the mystery, he thinks.

mark, on the other hand, can read jackson like a poorly designed hotel pamphlet. jackson's sweating under mark's scrutiny, eyes refusing to meet with the searching ones across the table, but when mark lets out a deep sigh and continues to very slowly nibble at his noodles, jackson takes it as a cue to start breathing again, which he notices he hasn't being doing since he opened his mouth to speak.

jackson doesn't watch tv with mark that night, settling on listening to the older boy's soft giggles from inside his bedroom. "damn, this sucks," he thinks, sleep finally taking him.

♫♫♫

sometimes, jackson does dumb shit, but he never really regrets them because he likes to think that the fun he has while doing said dumb shit far outweighs any consequences. his friends call him an idiot, and he lets them because they always end up saving his ass anyways; but he's never regretted anything. that is until, five days later, when he very loudly barges into his and mark’s shared apartment with a gallant “honey, i’m home!”, that he finds that, maybe, taking that break was an incredibly stupid idea.

“jackson,” mark greets, wide-eyed. he’s in sweats and a tank top, and jackson’s never seen the man look so delectable in his life, even though, before the whole ordeal with his fucked up feelings, he’s literally seen mark in nothing but boxers.

mark clears his throat, and that’s when jackson notices that they have company, in the form of a petite girl, half a head shorter than mark, all but looking like she’s drowing in a giant sweater tucked into sinfully tight jeans. mark’s arm is so casually thrown over her shoulders, jackson has to stop himself from leering. “this is wendy, from our lit class.”

“hi,” wendy offers, smile bright and charismatic as she extends a hand towards jackson, who just nods and takes it without a word. her grip is firm, very unexpected from her otherwise tiny frame, and it throws jackson off just a bit. “i’ve seen you guys around, but i guess we’ve never really properly met.”

“no time like the present,” jackson manages to choke out, despite himself, and there’s a brief silence before jackson takes his cue and very hurriedly pads over to his room, making sure to click the lock loudly for good measure.

when he tries (and fails) to go to sleep that night, he can’t help but think about how comfortable mark looked cozying up to wendy, like they haven’t just met five days ago, and wonders if it’s entirely his fault for chickening out instead of just facing his problem like the manly man he was.

♫♫♫

most of the time, jackson wakes up before mark. ever since that one fateful day a couple of years ago when mark slept through all his alarms, missed his flight home for the holidays, and couldn’t get another one because of the christmas rush, jackson has almost religiously made sure to wake up a few minutes before mark needs to every single day just to make sure that it never happens again. mark was about to spend the entirety of his christmas break in the apartment, all sulky and deflated, until jackson took the next train back to university with the excuse of “next semester’s pre-work” thrown at his parents, and found mark all sullen and teary-eyed in a corner of the kitchen nursing what he thinks is a cup of coffee with some vodka. the way mark’s sad eyes sparkled when he saw him that morning made jackson’s heart swell almost instantly, and jackson internally promised himself that he would do everything he could to make mark look at him that way again. 

“not today,” jackson mumbles into his pillow, fumbling to turn his phone’s silent alarm, the one set five minutes before mark’s, off. he wasn’t in the mood to face mark today, especially after seeing him with that wendy girl being all gross in the apartment, when he was so excited to hang out with him after five whole days of being apart. mark would just to wake up by himself today. 

“not today, what?” jackson almost jumps out of his pajamas at the sound of mark’s deep voice, rough from sleep and something else. he makes a comically dramatic 180 degree turn to face mark, who’s lounging on the bean bag opposite his bed, phone in his hand and an unreadable expression on his face. he catches a whiff of something he hasn’t smelled in long time, and jackson’s scrunches his nose. 

“are you smoking again?” jackson sits up, suddenly very conscious of his bare torso and exposed legs, only a thin pair of boxers shielding him from the cold autumn air. he looks at mark with as much steel as he can muster, but finds himself softening up when mark’s ears start to turn red, probably embarrassed at being caught. 

“just once, a few hours ago,” marks waves off the questioning look jackson throws him and starts scrolling through something on his phone. when jackson doesn’t say anything, mark shifts uncomfortably. “i wasn’t planning on doing it again.”

“uh, okay.” jackson decides to drop it, and proceeds to wrap himself in a plethora of blankets because he was really not in the mood to talk to mark today. 

“dude, are you okay?” he hears mark say, and he has half the mind to pretend to be be already sleeping when he feels mark sit by the foot of his bed and weakly tug at his cocoon of blankets. “you went to bed real early last night, and now you’re sleeping in? are you sick or something?”

jackson turns toward the wall and away from mark inside his self-made blanket fort, grunting in displeasure at the sudden interrogation. he tries to contain the butterflies in his stomach when he feels mark finally find an opening in his blanket labyrinth and slowly worming his way in. 

“come on. talk to me.” mark’s breath is hot against the back of his neck, and jackson shudders inwardly. he’s sure he’s as red as a tomato right now, and promptly decides that, yeah, the five-day sabbatical he took definitely wasn’t worth it because not only did mark find himself a nice, little girlfriend in his absence, the fucking tingly, yucky feelings he’s been having for mark never went away; in fact, he’s never felt this flustered and helpless before, which means that said tingly, yucky feelings became even worse. 

“fuck,” he curses himself mentally, only realizing that he had actually said it out loud when he hears mark let out a shallow, shaky exhale.

jackson starts to panic when he feels mark untangling himself from the blankets, but doesn’t move a muscle when he gets up with a sigh and leaves the room with a “okay then” thrown over his shoulder. jackson suddenly remembers how sad mark looked that day he found him curled into himself in the kitchen, and wonders how mark looked just before he left. he feels his chest tighten.

♫♫♫ 

mark brings wendy to meet the rest of their friends on their first Friend Group Dinner Dates™ since jackson came back, and jackson’s less than ecstatic. they hadn’t come together (they didn’t really do anything together anymore after he got back from his self-imposed exile a couple of days ago) much to everyone’s surprise, but when mark shows up with a bundled up wendy, looking extra tiny in her thick wool coat and high ponytail, tucked under his arm, it’s as if someone had dumped a giant bucket of cold water over everyone by the way they openly stared at their approaching figures. jackson tries to ignore the look jaebum shoots him from across the table.

“hey guys,” mark says almost breathlessly, roughly shrugging off his coat before gently taking wendy’s off for her. “this is wendy.”

everyone has identical expressions on, eyes wide with mouths forming small o’s, except jackson, who’s suddenly glaring at an empty spot on the table, and jaebum, who’s looking as awkward as everyone feels as he gets up and offers a hand to wendy. “hello, wendy, i’m jaebum. and these,” jaebum gestures vaguely to the gaping idiots beside him. “are bambam, yugyeom, youngjae, and jinyoung. and the angry looking one, that’s—”

“—jackson, we’ve met. hello, jaebum,” wendy gives jaebum’s hand a firm shake, which catches him off-guard, jackson notes by the slight raise of his eyebrows. “nice to meet everyone. i hope i’m not intruding, mark insisted,”

“oh, no,” jinyoung pipes up from beside jackson, suddenly hyperaware of how mark’s pulling a couple of chairs for the two of them to the table, and how both of them are placed too far from jackson’s side of the table. “not at all. a friend of mark’s is a friend of ours.”

wendy gives jinyoung a small, polite smile before settling in her seat between mark and bambam. jackson thinks it’s going to be a very long night, and, as if on cue, jinyoung almost immediately gives his knee what he thinks is supposed to be an assuring squeeze.

everyone hits it off with wendy the moment she sheds her polite and reserved exterior and starts spewing out a hundred words a minute, much to jackson’s chagrin. the girl is loud, and moves her arms a lot when she talks, and makes the greasiest jokes he’s ever heard, and jackson lets himself think that if he didn’t have these weird feeling for mark that he would, in fact, get along with her quite well. but he does, so he glares in the general direction of wendy and bambam’s animated chattering, much too consumed by something he thinks is jealousy to notice mark looking at him with soft eyes and a small frown. when a hysterical yugyeom starts taking photos of wendy and bambam dabbing shamelessly in the middle of the restaurant, jackson decides he can’t stand it anymore, and he’s calling it a night.

“i gotta go,” he breathes, inaudible to everyone except jinyoung and jaebum, who are quietly discussing something with mark, and, of course, mark, who seems to be listening but not really, eyes glazed over and unfocused. their heads snap up almost in unison, and all look like they’re about to get up, but jackson waves them off. “just have some school stuff to catch up on.”

he’s muttering short, half-hearted goodbyes to everyone as he gathers his stuff and brusquely puts on his coat, shuffling too quickly out of the restaurant because he can’t wait to get out of there that he almost misses what jaebum says to mark. 

“fix it.”

♫♫♫

sometimes, jackson and mark get into arguments. it’s usually about which pizza place to order from that night, or who gets to play princess peach during a heated game of super smash bros. but they never fight, never let an argument go unresolved for more than a few hours, because jackson can’t bear to be without his best friend for more than that. he usually breaks the tension first, making inappropriate jokes and giving mark very rough and very unsolicited back hugs when he feels the initial irritation dissipate, but it’s always mark who apologizes first, whispering a small ‘sorry i yelled at you’ when jackson loosens his death grip on him in between hugs.

so when jackson accidentally lets a very inappropriate “that’s what she said,” slip out while mark’s reading something for his religion studies course out loud, he isn’t surprised when mark lets out a tiny snort before slowly, almost cautiously, sitting down in the spot next to jackson on the couch.

“dude, i’m sorry,” mark says, words coming from out of nowhere, and jackson has the gall to look at him like he grew a second head. “for what, i don’t exactly know. but i am, really."

“you got a girlfriend,” is all jackson chokes out, before deciding that that was a completely unacceptable response and proceeding to bury his face in one of the throw pillows. mark’s eyes widen almost comically.

“wendy?” and jackson almost says ‘duh’ but the way mark says her name out is so full of disbelief that jackson has to look at him again, ears refusing to believe what his eyes are seeing. mark almost looks angry as he speaks, and jackson thinks he finally gets it. “wendy’s as straight as a limp noodle. what the hell—“

“you had your arm around her!” now, jackson’s waving his arms hysterically, because he feels the shame finally sink in. he’s so embarrassed, but he’s also jackson wang, so he won’t back down without a fight. “you were in your sweats, on the couch with her all lovey dovey like you guys have been dating for years! what was i supposed to think?" 

mark is rubbing circles into his temples, a very annoyed look on his face, but jackson feels like laughing, because oh my god, they’re not together; and they’re literally having an argument right now but he couldn’t care less because, again, they’re not together, thank god. 

“jackson, we just get along really well,” mark finally says, a small smile forming on his face, and jackson feels himself smiling too. there’s a warm feeling in his chest, but he tries to ignore that. “i got lonely after you left, and she asked me where my loud friend was when she saw me sulking after lit class. she makes the same dumb jokes you do, so it kinda made me miss you less.” jackson feels his heart do somersaults. 

“she’s like a girl version of you,” mark lets out a small laugh, and jackson can’t help but laugh along. “you saw her with bambam and yugyeom. half an hour in and they were acting like complete morons in a very public, very fancy place.”

“i just, i didn’t—ugh,” jackson starts, but the words get caught in his throat. “mark, i thought you started seeing someone all of a sudden and it made me feel weird.”

“dude, she’s gay,” mark deadpans, but the smile’s still there, and that smile is what sends jackson over the edge, because before he can stop himself, the words are already spilling out.

“are you?”

jackson’s face has never felt this hot, a pounding in his ears he’s never felt before suddenly making an appearance, but mark’s small smile had given him a short burst of courage, and he’s decided that now’s a better time than ever. it’s time to have the talk.

“what?” is all mark says after what seems like forever, and jackson has the gall to feel annoyed, like he wasn’t the one who started acting all weird and distant because who couldn’t come to terms with his feelings. he’s about to go into a tirade, ready to tear into mark with poorly constructed insults when mark continues. “jackson, you’re a fucking idiot.”

“wha—me?! how am i the idiot?” jackson blubbers, ready to fight, but mark gives him that look, the one from a couple of years ago, and jackson’s mind haywires. “w-what are you—”

“jia-er,” mark says softly, hands finding their way to jackson’s, and jackson feels his head spinning, the syllables of his chinese name rolling off mark’s tongue sending him waves of ecstasy, because the last time mark called him ‘jia-er’ was when he came back for him all those years ago. “you treat me so well, and you think i’ll ever go looking for someone else?”

“wha—“

mark laughs, and his eyes are sparkling and jackson feels himself falling, deeper and deeper, that the words just die out on their own. mark continues.

“you wake me up and make me pancakes, every single morning,” mark says, and jackson almost feels embarrassed until mark’s hand comes up to cup the side of his face. “you take cold showers because you don’t want me to run out of hot water, and you take out all the pineapples on my pizza because you know i’m allergic—“

“—well, i don’t want you to die—“

“—and you think i’ll ever choose to be with someone other than you?”

the words go straight to jackson’s heart and he feels his chest exploding in the best possible way. he doesn’t bother holding back the enormous smile splitting his face in half, and, from the looks of it, mark isn’t holding back his, either. 

“i am super gay, jackson,” mark answers, finally, and jackson lets go of the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “i am gay, and unbelievably in love with you.” 

“wow,” jackson says simply, and he thinks that that’s the worst possible response to the sweetest, most amazing confession he’s ever heard in his life, if it weren’t for the heart-shaped holes he and mark are burning into each other’s faces with how hard they’re smiling at each other right now. 

“you’re a whole idiot, you know that?” mark quips when jackson tackles him into the tightest hug in the world, shoulders shaking as he laughs away all the frustration from the past few days.

“i’m your idiot,” is all jackson says, smiling into mark’s neck, and thinking that maybe, just maybe, that five-day break actually was a good idea.

♫♫♫

it’s very late, probably around two in the morning, and they have to get up really early for graduation; jackson almost feels sad at the thought of leaving school, ‘the end of an era’ he’d said, but when his entire world snuggles closer to him on their stiff, four-year old double bed, he feels nothing but joy. they’re curled up in bed after hours of making out and dry humping like a couple of adolescent gorillas, thoughts of the future floating around in the spaces between them, when jackson asks mark. 

“will you marry me, yi-en?”

mark giggles, turning to face jackson from inside their cocoon of blankets, and jackson can see the deep flush tinting his face and the tip of his ears. “jackson, you talk about flower arrangements every time you’re with my mom. my dad even thinks you’ve hired a wedding planner behind my back. i think we’re way past that.”

“so is that a ‘yes’?”

mark smiles, and jackson sees that sparkle again. jackson smiles too. 

“the biggest yes,” mark pauses to kiss jackson, and it’s a quick, gentle press of the lips, but it’s meaningful and before he can stop himself, jackson’s crying. “for the biggest idiot.”

♫♫♫ 

**Author's Note:**

> i was a writer on livejournal way back 2012, then life got in the way. when i decided to log into my old lj account a whopping six years later, everyone had left wtf but some of them are here now, i heard, so yeah, this is my sorry attempt at getting back into writing fanfiction, please take care of me kudasai sksksk
> 
> it’s been six years, jfc show me some love in the comments. i really wanna make friends with fellow writers and readers as well (everyone on lj disappeared and i can't find them anymore) so if u guys want, follow me at @wandasho on twitter and slide into my dms ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


End file.
